Living Theology
in the Metropolitan Chicago Synod
Volume 8, Number 2
Summer 2003
Human Sexuality in the ELCA:
Perspectives on the Struggle
Recognizing God’s Blessings:
Holy Unions and the Ordination of Women and Men in Same-Sex Relationships
In 1991 the ELCA voted to
welcome all people regardless of their sexual orientation into membership in
their congregations. This was reaffirmed
in 1995. In 1993, the Metropolitan
Chicago Synod became a “Reconciling in Christ” Synod, by affirming that “gay
and lesbian people share with all others the worth that comes from being loved
and forgiven children of God; that gay and lesbian people are welcome within
the life and ministry of this Synod upon making the same affirmation of faith
that all other people make; and that gay and lesbian people are expected and
encouraged to share in all aspects of this Synod’s ministry.”1 The Synod has also affirmed the practice
of some of its clergy blessing the commitments of same-sex relationships at
“holy union” services. Yet it is still
difficult for many faithful Lutherans to understand the rationale of naming the
committed, faithful, long-term relationships of same-gender couples as holy
anything, and even more difficult to accept the practice of Lutheran clergy
bringing the blessings of God to those unions in the same way that we bring the
blessings of God to committed, faithful, long-term relationships of
opposite-gender couples. Furthermore,
although we affirm that we are blessed, promised the gift of grace, and set
apart for service in our baptism, some Lutherans are not comfortable with the
idea that this calling is something shared by everyone, regardless of sexual
orientation and relationship status.2
How can these
relationships be holy?
In Genesis 2:7, God creates
a being (Hebrew: adam) from the earth
(Hebrew: adamah). Traditional and contemporary translations
have missed the Hebrew play on words; I would like to suggest that we think of
our earliest ancestor as an “earth-being.”3 God gives that first earth-being a beautiful
garden in which to live and plenty to eat and drink (Gen 2:8-15), but becomes
concerned that the earth-being seems lonely.
God thinks, “It is not good that the [earth-being] should be alone,” and
sets about creating other creatures to be a proper companion (Gen 2:18-20).
One can imagine the delight
of encountering and naming such delightful creatures as birds, dogs, and horses,
the wonder at seeing for the first time porcupines, giraffes and penguins, and
perhaps the horror of coming face to face with a shark or a charging
rhinoceros. But at the end of the day,
it is clear both to God and to the earth-being that none of these creatures is
the right kind of partner. Only when a
second earth-being is created does the first one feel complete and completed,
and the cry “this at last!” reflects the profound joy of encountering one’s mate. To be sure, there are those who insist that
this text is only about opposite
gender people being created for one another; but it is also true to the text to
see that it is about God not wanting us to be alone, and that other humans, not
animals are created to be our partners.
The next question might be
whether God has created gay and lesbian people as they are, or is there some
element of choosingbe attracted to
humans of the same sex. I can’t help
thinking of the “heteroseuxality test” which you may have seen or heard
of. Questions such as, “When did you
know you were a heterosexual?” “Have
you tried to have a relationship with someone of the same gender? Perhaps you
haven’t met the right man or woman yet!” or
“Well, of course it’s perfectly ok for you to be a heterosexual, but you
must remain celibate for the rest of your life” allow us to laugh a bit at what it means to assume that all
people are created heterosexual, but the underlying reality is important: most
people who are gay or lesbian knew from a very early age that they were “different”
from other children, and by puberty were aware that they simply weren’t
attracted to people of the opposite sex.
Because of often intense social and religious stigmatization, many
lesbian and gay people report trying all sorts of ways to change their primary
attraction with little or no success.4
As recently as twenty-five
years ago, when being a homosexual was many more times taboo than it is today,
people who knew they were different, who knew that they were attracted to
people of their own gender, did their best to bury those feelings and often
married someone whom they liked or perhaps even loved, but with whom they did
not have that “this at last” feeling that is so well described in Genesis. The tragic result of these societal taboos
becomes clear when we witness twenty and twenty-five year marriages breaking up
because one partner can no longer pretend not to be a homosexual. All parties have been hurt: the gay or
lesbian partner because of years of inability to truly be themselves, their
wife or husband who truly loved their partner, never knowing the truth or
perhaps hoping that they had been able to “cure” their spouse of their
homosexuality, and of course the children, who not only face the trauma of
divorce but are forced to deal with issues of sexuality in the highly charged
atmosphere of their parents’ relationship falling apart.
I am grateful that I live in
a time in which increasing numbers of gay and lesbian people feel free to live
and love those for whom they not only feel emotional affinity, but physical
attraction, too. I believe that God not
only gave us one another to love, God also gave us hearts and minds and spirits
and bodies with which to express that love.
I absolutely agree with all those who hold that sexual intimacy is a
gift from God, and a gift that must be carefully stewarded. We are not called to share our bodies
indiscriminately, nor are we to use them as weapons of power or control over
another. All those who are united with
the one they love know what I mean when I suggest that sexual union can only be
the spiritual union it is created to be if one is sharing one’s more intimate
self with one to whom one has pledged one’s love and faithfulness.
God has called us into
relationships of love, honor, respect, and faithfulness. When two people find the “other” to whom
they can give that love, honor, respect and faithfulness, it is appropriate for
the couple to believe that their relationship is holy, regardless of the gender
of their partner.
Why should we
bless them?
I always enjoy the moment in
a wedding rehearsal when, after one member of the couple has practiced saying
their vow, I stop the other from saying
theirs, explaining, “Don’t speak yours yet.
If you do, you’ll be married!”
The principal actors in a wedding are the couple themselves, and the
action that makes the union binding is the speaking of those vows, what makes
it legal is a state-authorized witness.
I am clear that when I preside at a heterosexual marriage, I am filling
two shoes: as an authorized
representative of the state, I witness the couple’s vows to one another, and as
a pastor (and authorized representative of the church), I call upon and offer God’s blessing on
their vows and life together. Frankly,
I think the latter role is more important, and, like many other clergy, I am
not particularly interested in presiding at weddings of couples who have little
or no idea why they want to be married in a church except for social custom
and, as is often the case at Rockefeller Chapel, because the church is
pretty. These days, I handle this by
telling a couple up front that unless theirs is an interfaith marriage, I
reserve the right to use specifically Christian language, and in any case, I
will declare the importance of God’s presence and blessing upon them. Instead of my deciding whether they are
religious enough for me, I let them decide if I am too religious for them. Over the years, I have had several couples
respectfully ask if I could suggest another clergy person who wasn’t so “religious.” I have always been happy to do so.
It is a different thing
entirely when a same-sex couple asks me to bless their relationship. Unlike many of their heterosexual
counterparts, when they come to me, they are very clear that they specifically
want and deserve God’s blessing, and they know why! I have been so often moved
by the faith of these couples who are quite clear that they need God’s presence
with them daily in order to live out
their calling to love one another.
Same-sex couples do not approach saying their vows in a church lightly,
and it is, frankly, a blessing to me to be asked by a couple who know why they
want a pastor to witness their vows.
I believe that as a church
we should bless these relationships because, like their heterosexual
counterparts, they need God’s blessing to thrive. Same-sex couples need the same kind of support of the community
as they seek to live out their vows as opposite-sex couples. If we are serious about wanting to support
and promote relationships which are faithful, long term, and monogamous, then I
believe we should recognize the validity of same-sex relationships and stand
ready to be as supportive of them when they hit rocky times as we are with
opposite-sex couples.
People who are
indiscriminate in choosing their sex partners, whether they are same or
differently gendered, may never have heard anyone tell them that their bodies
are holy and that they can make sacred choices with how they choose to use
their bodies and with whom they chose to share them. As a church I believe that we should be about the business of
admonishing all people to wait to share themselves intimately with those to
whom they are committed to love and be faithful. And when they come to us for a blessing, we should acknowledge
that no matter what the gender(s) of the people who present themselves, God
does indeed bless their love and faithful commitment to each other.
And what about ordination?
When we baptize a child into
the church and the Body of Christ, the entire congregation says together, “We
welcome you into the Lord’s family. We
receive you as a fellow member of the body of Christ, child of the same
heavenly Father, and a worker with us in the kingdom of God.”5 We
ask the parents to raise the child with the prayers, creeds, and faith of the
church, and when they are confirmed, we
call upon the baptizands to full responsibility and participation in the life
of the church. We hope and expect that
all baptized members will take on some position of leadership within the
community, believing that our baptism prepares us to live our lives
deliberately as children of God, blessed by God’s grace and dependent upon
God’s love.
As one who wrestled with God
about whether or not I was called into the ministry (I did not think it was a good idea at the time), I can attest to the fact
that being called into ordained ministry is not something one chooses, any more
than one chooses who one is attracted to.
My experience was rather one of being chosen - both by God and by the church. Deciding to say “yes” to the call involved reshaping my
assumptions about what kind of life I would lead, my expectations for where I would find a social life (previously I
had found my friends at work and at church; as a pastor I am called to find my
friends elsewhere), and wondering whether I would ever be able to have a
successful marriage. Saying “yes” to the call in 1986 involved significant
sacrifice, particularly for women, yet I can attest that in my 16 years of
service, no matter how difficult things have been, I never doubted its
validity.
The ELCA sets appropriately
high standards for those whom we would ordain into the ministry. While understanding itself not to be a
juridical standard, the document Vision
and Expectations states clearly:
An ordained minister of this
church shall be a person whose commitment to Christ, soundness of faith,
aptness to preach, teach and witness, and whose educational qualifications have
been examined and approved in the manner prescribed in the documents of this
church; who has been properly called and ordained; who accepts and adheres to
the Confession of Faith of this church; who is diligent and faithful in the
exercise of the ministry; and whose life and conduct are above reproach.
(http://www.elca.org/dm/candidacy/vision_ordained.html)
Throughout the document, Vision and Expectations refers to the
call of the Holy Spirit as a vital part of a pastor’s call. I can attest to you that the Holy Spirit has
not been paying attention to the sexual orientation of those whom she has been
calling! The document says: “The
expectations of this church regarding the sexual conduct of its ordained
ministers are grounded in the understanding that human sexuality is a gift from
God and that ordained ministers are to live in such a way as to honor this
gift,” yet throughout the country, congregations and institutions have been
faithfully served by gay and lesbian pastors who, unlike their heterosexual
colleagues, have not been free to honor
the gift of their sexuality. Some have
stayed “in the closet.” Some have
chosen to accept the ELCA’s current requirement of abstaining from same-sex
relationships. Some have tried to
maintain a relationship with a partner while hiding the nature of that
relationship from their congregation.
Others have refused to accept the double standard imposed by the ELCA
and have left the ministry. More times
than I care to count I have met gifted men and women who have left the ministry
because even as they knew that God had
called and blessed them with gifts for ministry, they also affirmed that
God had called and blessed them with gifts for intimate relationships, in their
cases with people of the same gender.
What kind of
example can a homosexual clergymember be?
In its outline of what is
required for a person to serve as an member of the clergy, the ELCA has upheld the importance of the role
of the ordained minister “as person and example.” (Visions and Expectations) In its section on sexual behavior, that
same document rightly notes that “ordained ministers are expected to reject
sexual promiscuity, the manipulation of others for purposes of sexual
gratification, and all attempts of sexual seduction and sexual harassment,
including taking physical or emotional advantage of others.” It would be foolish for any of us to claim
that all Lutheran clergy live up to these high standards, but it is a terrible
mistake to suggest that gay and lesbian clergy cannot do so simply because of their sexual orientation.
I know that there is still a
lot of fear among the good people of our synod and many of the clergy who
diligently serve them- but it seems to me that much of this fear is based in
the faulty understanding of homosexuality as a sin. If we can acknowledge that all
sexual orientations are gifts from God, and that full expression of sexual
orientation in faithful relationships is not limited to opposite gender
couples, we would not, for instance, be worried that a lesbian pastor would
somehow be a bad influence simply because of her sexual orientation. A lesbian
pastor who has been with her partner for 15 years can provide the same sort of
relationship modeling as a pastor who has been in a heterosexual marriage for
the same amount of time: each can attest to the joys and difficulties of sharing a life with the one they love. We should be concerned that all our clergy,
whatever their orientation, model what it means to have healthy and holy
relationships so that the young people in our congregations who are straight or
lesbian or gay can have mentors to whom they can go as they begin their own
relationships. A clergy member’s
healthy expression of her or his sexual orientation is an opportunity to be a
model for all our people of what it
means to honor the gift of our sexuality.
I know that even though many
of us have gotten to the point of acknowledging that people in same-sex
relationships are not only good people but are welcome in our congregations,
and some of us are quite comfortable with acknowledging that same-sex
relationships have the same troubles, trials, delights, and sacredness as
opposite-sex relationships, it is still difficult to imagine not caring what
the gender of our pastor’s partner might be.
But I believe we will get there.
My prayer is that as a church as we move forward toward full acceptance
of our gay and lesbian clergy members, we continue to acknowledge the very real
concerns, fears, and anxieties of those who aren’t ready to do so, and honor
the sincere desire to be faithful followers of Jesus of those who believe that
same-sex relationships are sinful.
God has given us many gifts,
and perhaps the most mysterious, funny, messy, profound and holy of them is the
gift of our sexuality. God has called
us to be whole beings in our relationships with ourselves, with our community,
and with God. The full welcome and
acceptance of our gay and lesbian sons, daughters, cousins, neighbors,
teachers, colleagues and clergy will come when we can acknowledge that we all
share this calling together. In the
meantime, I pray that we may continue to listen and learn from one another.
Associate Dean of Rockefeller Chapel
University of Chicago
1This is a paraphrase of the
boilerplate “Affirmation of Welcome” of Reconciling in Christ congregations,
organizations and synods. See
http://www.lcna.org/ric.shtm for the exact wording.
2It is important to include
“relationship status” in these conversations, since the ELCA currently does
ordain openly gay and lesbian persons.
Unlike their heterosexual colleagues, however, gay and lesbian clergy
are required to be celibate for the rest of their lives.
3Thomas Troeger likes to
refer to that first being as a “mud creature.”
He did this during one of the “Wardlaw lectures” at LSTC: June 27, 2001.
4When statistics of “success”
of so-called reparative therapies are carefully examined, it is clear that
their “results” are based on changed behavior, not affectional orientation.
5”Holy Baptism,” Lutheran
Book of Worship, (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1990), 121